Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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