I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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