There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
