I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Randomize
