you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize