Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Randomize
