I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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