I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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