Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
