I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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