Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
