She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
