So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
