So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize