Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
