if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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