We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
