Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
