it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
