My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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