whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
All the doctor said was why
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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