Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
