someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
