Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
My ATM looks so different sober.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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