he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
