And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
