and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
