i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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