Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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