I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
