You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
