We won't sleep together?
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
