his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize