so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
How's work?
Spinning.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
