Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Randomize