im so drunk with asians
where?
always
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Randomize
