he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
bring money and cleavage
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
