he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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