u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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