I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I want to be your penis for a week.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Randomize
