he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Randomize
