Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Girls should come with a carfax report
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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