So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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