guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
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