That's intense
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
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