okay pat passed out under dana's car
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
