You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
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