I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
