worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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