she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
