The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
