She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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