Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
