Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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