it wasn't lemon gatorade
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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