Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
