The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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