You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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