Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
