I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
