How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
