just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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