is your mom at the bar?
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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